Now, for some of us, it’s quite late on Monday night. For the rest of the world, it’s almost certainly Tuesday. But, given that I’m typing this late on Monday night, having finished Movie Night for yet another week and having, let’s face it, had a drink, I’m thinking about food.

It’s at times like this, I reminisce slightly about Christmas food from the eighties. Okay, I know it’s June. No one is thinking about what’s coming at the back end of the year. And quite right, too.

I’m not thinking about that. I’m thinking about cheesy footballs.


In fact, not just cheesy footballs, but pickled onions, Terry’s chocolate oranges, and piles and piles of vol au vents.


These were things that only appeared at Christmas in the eighties and then, with the passing of the years and all that other stuff (most of which is sad, so we’ll move past that), they disappeared. That is – until the last couple of years. In the last couple of years, I’ve realised that I am, in fact, an adult, and can make my own decisions about food shopping.

Now, for plenty of people who fall into my bracket, there is a general feeling that everything has changed shape since we were kids. Burgers were bigger. Snacks were saltier. Everything, everything, tasted sweeter. A lot of this can, of course, be put down to a change in our tastebuds because now we are mature. More than that, the whole world is on a health-kick, so there will have been changes to every recipe that ever was in the eighties.


But here is what I can tell everyone who doesn’t live with me and therefore, has not had to hear this multiple times a day: hamburgers have shrunk. Oh, everyone who has forgotten or doesn’t eat them will tell you that you remember them being bigger because you were smaller.

I can assure you – I’m five foot four but my hands haven’t grown since I was thirteen. I know because… well, we all have quiet days, don’t we? I’ve just had quite a few of them. Anyway, burgers were bigger.

And I could really go for a pickled onion right now.