Well, there’s nothing like them, is there?

I know the Brits have a reputation all over the world for terrible teeth but, to be fair, look at them – American teeth.


They’re extraordinary.

White like paper and all in a line. Every tooth the same length. No gaps. No overlaps.

Seemingly, no fillings.

They’re like starlight, in gums.


If I ever make a fortune with my writing, it’s the first thing I’ll do – go to America and get me some teeth.