Oh what an amazing film I’m showing tonight. I am dazzlingly chuffed.

I had ordered ‘Their Finest’ when it was still on in the cinema. This is just something I do. Naturally enough, it was nowhere near its DVD release date yet, but I was happy to wildly pre-order the thing and adjust my Movie Night list as and when. When the date came through, I shuffled some other titles around, and lo and behold, I have the film out on the day of its release. I can expect a full house.

What this means is: with a full house I can expect some new people, some potential new members, with perhaps funds or enthusiasm. More people in the Club means more money across the bar (even if they only have a slimline tonic each it’s still something), more money across the bar means higher profits for the quarter, higher profits mean that, when it comes to the Club’s donation to the Poppy Appeal, there will be more money going to the charity. If I get new people, who I can successfully entice into becoming members, that also means more money for the charity and for the Club itself.

It also means, on a personal level, that there will be more support for Movie Night, there will be multiple pattings of my back for creating an atmosphere of enticement for the new members.

In having a new film, I can foresee people who have never bothered with us coming into the Club and discovering what else we do.

Usually, when the film comes out on the day, I can expect it with my friendly postman somewhere around nine o’clock in the morning.

The post came and went, nothing.

No film.

I checked my messages. It was being sent via a courier. Time unknown.

Panic ensues.

Two o’clock, the film arrived. I regained the ability to breathe. I watched the film. It’s a stunning piece of cinema.

There were four adverts. Ordinarily, I just skip over these, but the first one was for ‘Churchill’ and I’ll be showing that one on the day of its release as well.

No harm, I thought, in getting my people excited about another Movie Night before beginning this one.

The next trailer was for ‘Hacksaw Ridge’, I showed that some weeks ago. They liked it despite the blood and guts.

For some reason, chocolate adverts have been sneaking in to DVD pre-film trailers. We have a selection of chocolate behind the bar, none of it the sort of stuff they advertise before films, so I skipped past that one.

The last snippet was from ‘La La Land’. I yelled out, “Done it!” got a laugh, pressed play.

So, ‘Their Finest’ – what a cracker. Under the strangest of circumstances, in recent months there have been films, out on the day of their DVD release, featuring Richard E. Grant, which for whatever reason have lost the visual after ten minutes of playing. I don’t know what links these pictures except for ‘new out’ and ‘Richard E. Grant’. I think the curse must have been lifted because it didn’t happen tonight, however, I watched with deep and brewing suspicion.

There’s a moment where there’s talk of a clever code, worked out before the chap goes off to war, so he can still let his wife know where he is. I’m sure that sounds a bit mad, how on earth would anyone be able to design a code with a decent level of intricacy, so as not to tip off anyone except the desperately waiting wife?

My granddad wrote to my grandmother from Libya, and asked her how Trixie was. She didn’t know any Trixie. Neither did he. He couldn’t say where he was, of course not. And nobody would raise an eyebrow over such an enquiry.

Somehow she knew that ‘Trixie’ meant Tripoli. My father’s family were gentle and, unlike me, would never go straight to ‘prostitute’ in their heads at the sound of an unfamiliar name.

I’d never heard of a code being referred to by anybody but my grandmother. I had foolishly thought it to be a little exaggeration, for flavour. I now realise, it must have been true.

By far, my favourite line in the whole film is one of Rachael Stirling’s: “He’s an actor,” she says. “Unless you have reviewed him, had intercourse with him, or done both simultaneously, he won’t remember you.”

During the interval, I called out to my people that the slightly strident redhead is Rachael Stirling, who happens to be  Diana Rigg’s daughter. For the young people, I clarified that Diana Rigg is Lady Olenna is Game of Thrones.

“Look at the cheekbones, look at the eyes,” I advised. I may have had a drink.

When I started up the film once more, the first shot featured Rachael Stirling and a wave of small gasps of recognition practically lifted the Club off its foundations.

One of my ladies nodded to me.

“What am I for if not knowing who Diana Rigg’s daughter is?” I asked.

She laughed, and was immediately shushed.