A couple of years ago, I had a dinner party. I have since had dreams, that will doubtless turn into screenplays which, in turn, will become very expensive therapy sessions, about that dinner party.

I am a hell of a cook. Not a chef. I’m not trained by any stretch of the word, but I can follow a recipe like nobody’s business. My lamb has taken on a kind of localised mythology.

Since then, I’ve made the same three courses for the staff at the Club. Sometimes, when the film is especially long, I’ll cook for my Movie Nighters. I haven’t done three courses for the Movie Nighters, but I have made goat’s cheese tarts, smoked salmon bites and about forty-seven rounds of sandwiches.

The curse of having been a barmaid for the last eight years is that when I have a dinner party, I can’t not notice when someone’s glass is emptying. I refill, it’s what I do. Hence, my dinner parties tend to be awash with bubbles.

Here’s what we had when I made dinner for six:

2 x packs of feta cheese
6 tbsp dried crushed chillies
2 pinches dried oregano
4 tsp olive oil
Fresh baked bread rolls

It’s the easiest thing in the world. Take the feta out of the packaging, and pop them on a baking tray. Sit them side by side, little gap, nothing fancy.
Scatter the chillies and oregano over the top. It should be a decent crust of flavour over the top. Drizzle olive oil over it.

Wrap loosely in tin foil, and bake in the oven for 10-12mins at 180°C. The feta should be heated through and soft. Serve immediately with warm bread, or crackers. It’s gorgeous.

4-5lb leg of lamb
2 garlic cloves, crushed
juice of two lemons
salt and freshly ground black pepper
5-6 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp dried oregano
3lb potatoes, peeled and quartered
about a pint of water

Preheat the oven to 180°C. Sit the meat on a grill tray, so it stands a little above the base of a baking dish. Score the lamb, and press the crushed garlic into the cuts. Squeeze one lemon over the meat, drizzle with olive oil, season and add the oregano.

Place the potatoes around the meat on the grill tray. Pour about half the water and the rest of the lemon juice in the space below the meat.

Roast for 1½ to 2 hours, whatever it says on the label. Serve with gemista stuffing and salad.

The potatoes should wind up, effectively, steamed. Fluffy on the inside, papery on the outside.

1 small loaf white bread
8oz lamb’s liver, washed and diced
5 spring onions, including stems, diced
3 tbsp finely chopped flat-leaf parsley
3 tbsp finely chopped fresh dill
juice of one lemon
2 tbsp finely chopped fresh mint
salt and freshly ground black pepper

Take the crusts off the bread, soak in a bowl of water for ten minutes, and then squeeze out the excess moisture. Combine all the ingredients in a bowl, and mix well.

Place the stuffing, with a covering of foil, in an oven proof dish and bake alongside the lamb.

2lb large aubergines
3 tbsp olive oil
3 garlic cloves, finely sliced
4 large ripe tomatoes, skinned and coarsely chopped
1 tbsp tomato purée, dissolved in 6 tbsp water
3 tbsp finely chopped fresh parsley
salt and freshly ground black pepper
4oz hard cheese, like parmesan, grated

Peel the aubergines with a potato peeler, leaving stripes of skin, then cut into 1cm slices. Sprinkle with salt and allow to drain in a colander. Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Heat the olive oil in a large frying pan. Squeeze the aubergine slices dry and then fry for 5mins, or until they begin to brown, adding more oil to the pan if necessary. Drain on paper towels. Layer the slices in a casserole dish.

In the frying pan, sauté the garlic and tomatoes, then add the tomato purée and cook until the liquid has evaporated.

Season this mixture with the parsley, salt and pepper, and pour over the aubergine slices.

Drizzle with a little olive oil, and then add the grated cheese. Bake for 30mins, until brown on top.

MISSISSIPPI MUD PIE (not Greek, still yummy)
Crumb Crust:
5oz digestive biscuits
3oz pecans, chopped
1 tbsp light brown sugar
½ tsp ground cinnamon
3oz butter, melted

Lightly grease a 9” loose based cake tin. Break the digestive biscuits into a blender, add the pecans, sugar and cinnamon, and blitz until the mixture is crumbly.

Melt the butter in a microwave, and mix into the crumb mix, until a golden, stodgy mess is achieved.

Place this mess into the cake tin, and press firmly, coating the base and running up the sides of the cake tin by about 2-2½”. Put the tin, covered, into the fridge to chill.

8oz butter
6oz plain dark chocolate
4 fl oz golden syrup
4 large eggs, beaten
3oz pecans, chopped

Melt the butter, chocolate and golden syrup together in a saucepan on the hob. Just straight into the saucepan, you don’t need to put it in a bowl suspended over water. Once melted, leave it alone to cool completely.

Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Beat the eggs, and pour into the cooled mixture. Add the chopped pecans, blend well.

Pour the filling mixture into the crumb crust, and put into the oven for 35mins or so, until there is a slight wobble in the centre of the pie.

Serve at room temperature, or chilled, with whipped cream.

If I cook, you won’t go hungry.

I just had to write this down for posterity. Apologies.