Life is hard and complicated because of other people. That might sound harsh, even unkind, what with people being something of a worldwide phenomenon, however I am writing this at a time when a friend of mine is in pain.
The thing is this: certainly, the course of true love never did run smooth, but there are limits. Moving every aspect of your life to fit into somebody else’s doesn’t really work. Eventually, there will be resentment. With regard to the person who’s changed everything for a relationship, they are bound to feel the weight of what might have been, career, friendships, life experiences that waited if only they had been able to do so themselves. For the one who suddenly has this person in their lives, perhaps unbidden, the responsibility to either make it work or remove this interloper like a diseased limb, must weigh them down and plague the waking mind.
If it feels like an uphill struggle, and the only accomplishment is further heartache, it is time to refocus.
The person who lives with you longer than anyone, who knows you better than anybody else, and has to live with the contents of your mind, is yourself.
Sometimes, you just have to do something for you. If the relationship looks toxic from the outside, and would be considered as such even in your own judgement if it wasn’t yours, and if your friends and family are worried about the sacrifices you are making, emotionally, financially, physically, mentally, I would suggest you ask yourself one question: do you remember when you were last happy?
Earn some money, go abroad, do a course, get out of your head, don’t worry so much. When something is meant to be, you don’t have to fight with such intensity and spent so much time, forcing it to be alive.
This is it. You can have a really good friend who you only see every now and again, but when you do meet up, it’s as if no time has passed between this and your last meeting. It’s not staged, nor false. Of course, life will have happened between now and then, so there will be news you were unaware of, a catch-up to be had, but it’s not difficult to fall into your usual conversational rhythm.
When you have to push a relationship like a rock up a hill, in a similar style – you’ll become exhausted and it will crush you.
It might be an unkind thing to say, but if she can cause you so much pain, can she really be the one? (I’ll save you some time. No.)
And when there is infidelity, that is devastating and cuts to the quick of who you consider yourself to be, of who she thinks she is, of what the hell they were thinking. Perhaps I’m being naïve but I think, if you’re interested in someone and they’re not available, it is possible to keep yourself busy with life until they are single. Broaden your horizons, write a book, volunteer for a charity, there are good things to do beyond drinking and pining away.
However, if you can’t wait until the person is single, maybe deep down you know: they’re not worth waiting for.